There’s nothing harder than living with someone you love who’s also an addict. Sometimes, you keep this idea of who the person was before they started using at the forefront of your mind and refuse to acknowledge the way that addiction is changing them. The reality is that drug abuse transforms people. They lose a part of who they were when they’re high, and the drugs can completely take priority over everything else—including you.
It may seem perfectly natural to defend or try and fix someone you care about who’s suffering from addiction. You may deny the problem, ignore it or hide it because you want to believe they’ll just get better. When you start doing these things, you’ve become a part of the problem.
Enabling is the term used to describe people who make it possible for addicts to keep using without any consequences. Most of them do this from a place of complete love but end up making things worse in the long run. It’s difficult to admit that you might be enabling the disease of someone who you care about. Most enablers truly believe they’re helping the person, keeping them safe and doing something good. Unfortunately, all they’re doing is sacrificing their time, resources and emotional health while making the addict sicker.
Asking yourself these six questions can help you decide whether or not it’s time to step back and stop enabling the downward spiral of someone that you care about:
Do You Really Believe You Can Help?
If the answer to this is “yes,” then you definitely need to seek professional help. Unless you’re a trained addiction professional who has an objective treatment plan for the person you’re caring for, then you can’t help. It’s that simple. There’s nothing you can do from where you are to help someone else stop using drugs and alcohol.
You need to step back and stop offering to do anything for the addict unless they check into a rehab facility. Everything you’re doing for them at this point is just making it easier for them to keep using without facing the reality of the problem.
Are You Covering for Risky Behaviors?
This is a heartbreaking example of enabling that can harm you and the addict at the same time. Making excuses for strange behavior, absences, negligence and abuse are all signs of enabling. If you have to cover for someone else’s behavior, then there’s a very good chance that what they’re doing is wrong.
Some enablers do this out of embarrassment or self-preservation; they don’t want other people to know how bad things actually are. In some cases, they might need to lie to the addict’s employer to try and keep their financial security.
Regardless of the reasoning behind it, covering for risky behaviors will always end badly. The addict definitely won’t seek help if everyone around them is kept in the dark about their drug use. Eventually, people will find out, and you can be implicated in everything from socially unacceptable behaviors to flat out illegal ones.
Telling people the truth can get you the help you need to be strong through this. It also lets people know that there’s a drug problem that needs to be addressed.
Are Your Needs Taking a Backseat to Addiction?
Believe it or not, when you’re an enabler, your life becomes as much about the addiction as the addict’s. Everything you do during the day will be about caring for the addict, making sure they’re safe and worrying about them. This means putting your own needs and interests on hold. It’s like having a very volatile toddler with access to mind-altering drugs—very unstable, unpredictable and terrifying.
If you’re giving up your public and private life to take care of an addict, then there’s no way you’re happy. The good news is that caring for them isn’t your responsibility. You didn’t cause this problem, and you need to step back and stop perpetuating it.
It’s okay to be there for the addict when they’re ready to get help, but until then, you need to distance yourself and get professional help.
Are You Refusing to Acknowledge the Problem?
You can’t fix a problem if you refuse to admit there is one. If a loved one is using drugs and shows signs of being an addict, ignoring their behavior is only making it worse. When you deny the addiction, you send the message that you accept their behavior. This can be enough to convince the addict that they don’t need help—which is entirely untrue.
Do You Take Financial Responsibility for the Addict?
Are you providing an addict with a place to live? How about money and other resources? If the answer to those is “yes,” then you’re financing their drug problem. Some enablers believe that they’re just giving them a safe place to use drugs; or that offering to help is better than the alternative.
The truth is that if you offer any resources, you’re making the addiction worse and participating in illegal activities. Any financial or physical help that you give an active addict is going toward drugs.
Keep that in mind next time you try to justify keeping someone off the streets. Maybe if they were left on the streets, they’d be uncomfortable enough to realize they need professional help.
Are You Blaming Yourself for Their Behaviors?
Guilt can be a huge factor in enabling behaviors. Some parents blame themselves for their child’s addiction, or spouses think that they’ve done something to set the disease off. Their addiction isn’t your fault. No matter what happened in the past—addiction is a disease and beyond your control.
Help Them by Helping Yourself
If you’re struggling with enabling or addiction, contact the compassionate professionals at Spring Mountain Treatment Center. They know what it takes to recover from addiction and can put your back on the path to the life you deserve.
