No one gets married thinking they will need a divorce, but sometimes it’s the only way out of a bad situation. Both people and circumstances can change over time, diminishing any hope for a lasting union. While there are no clear solutions that would apply to every couple, there are some things to consider before making such a drastic decision. Here are some questions to ask yourself first.
Have you tried therapy?
Therapy can be a touchy subject for some couples, especially if one partner is too proud to admit they might need it. After all, it’s human nature to want to solve your own problems and keep everyone else out of your business. Unfortunately, being in the situation makes it impossible to view things objectively.
If you have tried therapy and it didn’t work, don’t write it off. Maybe you need another therapist, in the same way that you might want a second opinion from a different doctor. Marriage is a serious matter and you should make sure you’ve exhausted all the possibilities before getting a Divorce. However, there are cases where you need to seek out a salt lake city divorce lawyer.
You must also keep in mind that no therapist can fix your problems for you. It will take the hard work and commitment of both partners to save the marriage. Growth and change will be required.
Is the marriage salvageable?
At some point, you have to ask yourself whether or not the marriage can be saved. Unhappy marriages can sometimes be fixed, but there’s no sense in struggling for something that neither partner wants. Do you still want to be married to this person? Do they still want to be married to you?
Those can be tough questions, but they require honest answers from both parties. Divorce is a final solution, but it can have profound effects on children. It should not be the goal, if what you really want is change.
Are your problems stress-related?
Anyone can be affected by stress. Sometimes it begins with one partner, only to end up affecting both. Unemployment, financial strain, infertility or a miscarriage are just some of the reasons why stress might take a toll on an otherwise healthy marriage.
Note that weathering small problems together can actually help strengthen a marriage. It provides an opportunity for the couple to realize that they can truly rely on one another and function as a team. However, some problems are just too big to face alone. Whatever is causing the stress will have to be addressed, before matters get worse.
Was the marriage a mistake?
It’s not unusual for couples who hardly know each other to get ahead of themselves and think they’re meant for one another. However, simply having a lot in common doesn’t mean you’ll be able to weather life’s inevitable storms. This often happens to couples that marry too young.
If you’re in this type of situation, you’ll have to decide whether your marriage is worth saving or not. It may still work, if the marriage started out right and simply went sour. You’ll have to be patient and acknowledge one another’s strong points, rather than always pointing out flaws. On the other hand, if poor partner choice is to blame, this approach will likely not work.
Have you been staying together just for the kids?
Children are often more aware of what’s going on than they’re given credit for. They may not know all the specifics, but they can hear and see things that may indicate to them that something is wrong. They can sense animosity and sadness, no matter how hard you may try to hide it.
While it may seem like a noble idea to stay together for the sake of the kids, it only works if you can at least get along. This isn’t easy to do, especially if the kids are young. You could be looking at a decade or more with the wrong partner.
Furthermore, kids have a tendency to emulate what they see. The last thing you want is for them to follow your example, if your relationship is unhealthy or abnormal. This is particularly important if you are being abused.
Ultimately, you and your partner are the only people who can determine whether or not a divorce is in order. It’s a personal decision that should be made with careful consideration. If you do decide that it’s time to call it quits, it’s better to be open and honest about it, in order to minimize the damage to all parties involved.
