One of the hardest things about recent times is the difficulties for those attending funerals. Funeral numbers have been limited. But if you are forced to isolate you certainly won’t be able to pay your respects in the way you wanted.
Having a funeral service is considered a crucial part of the grieving process and one reason why the government restricted attendance at funerals, rather than delivering an outright ban.
Regardless of any funeral plans or what was in a loved one’s will the current situation has made attending funerals more challenging. The combination of lockdown, Covid-19 and restrictions on funeral gatherings could have devastating effects on the mental health of those people involved.
If you have been forced to stay away, here are some thoughts on how to pay your respects, feel involved and remember the life of a loved one.
Ideas on How to Be Present
You can still hold a memorial service in your own way from home. With a little planning you can still celebrate and memorialise the life of a loved one in a positive way. It may not be quite the same as being there physically but it’s the next best thing. And of course there is still the opportunity for a memorial service later, when the current situation eases.
You Can Virtually be There
If you can’t be there, perhaps you can V there. The live streaming of funerals was growing in popularity before the pandemic forced a speedier uptake. People are citizens of the world and those on the other side of the world could see the funeral live through their laptops.
Thanks to coronavirus the distance might not be as far as down under, but it offers you the opportunity to watch the funeral service live from home, while keeping yourself and others safe.
Technology also means there are other ways of taking part too…
Record a Video Message
Many crematoria have screens to show pictures of a loved one during the service. Depending on the type of service it may be possible to record a video message or reading and have it played to those gathered.
Deliver a Reading or Eulogy
If recording is not for you then keep it simple with a message or eulogy for the celebrant or a family member to read out on your behalf. Just because you can’t be there in person doesn’t mean you can’t contribute in the same way.
Select a Piece of Music
in the same way, perhaps you could request or suggest a piece of music by way of contribution to the service.
Hold Your Own Service
If you can’t be there it’s not difficult to hold your own service while the official service is taking place. At the same time as the service you can reminisce through old pictures, or read from a loved one’s favourite book.
You could play some of their favourite music and even imitate the entire thing if you have a copy of the Order of Service.
Read through the celebrant’s eulogy if you have a copy. And perhaps light a candle or raise a glass in toast.
Some people choose this moment to write a letter to their loved one, or if you are remembering the deceased in a religious capacity, say a prayer.
Dealing with Your Grief
After the service, it’s crucial that you reach out to friends and family where and when you can. Video calls can really help, as can phone calls, emails or even a simple text message. You’ll maintain that sense of staying connected with your family.
If you get an opportunity to get outside then do so. You might be able to meet with one person for exercise. A walk counts and will give you the opportunity to talk or share some memories.
And finally, crying is ok (and so is not crying). Don’t hold it back but don’t feel you have to do it either. It’s your grief and there is no right or wrong way to get through it.
Final Thoughts
If you can’t be there in person you can still feel involved in the funeral service. With a little planning you can celebrate the life of your loved one while shielding and express your grief in a way that helps you.
Use the technology available, and remember that you will get a chance in the future to celebrate the life of your loved one, in person, with friends and family.
