Becoming a parent means dedicating your life to raising and parenting a child to be a responsible member of society — a job that can be more challenging the less traditional it is. The challenges you face as a parent change as your child becomes a teenager. When you blend families together, these challenges may morph into different types of obstacles. However, there’s no need to worry; you’re capable of getting through it.
Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships
For some parents, raising a new spouse’s child can come as naturally as raising their own. However, there are many factors that can make it less easy for some parents to raise another child. For a working parent especially, this could mean having to make time for a new child’s schedule and hobbies, having to coordinate shared custody with an ex-partner, or needing to build a relationship with a child who resents them for not being their biological parent. These factors are often out of your control and can add a lot of stress to an already confusing life event.
If you are dealing with a shared custody situation, it’s extremely important to maintain a positive relationship with the other members of your new spouse’s family. Having a relationship built on mutual respect and the common goal of doing what’s best for the child can help ensure you learn more about the child and any issues they may be having. You should always be tactful when speaking about your new child’s other parents to help the child feel like they can trust you and to foster healthy communication with your other children — or their new siblings.
Open communication also helps to ensure all parents, new and biological, are getting what they need out of the parenting relationship, and can ensure the child is brought up with positive values from all caretakers. This can also help create a village environment, where the child feels fortunate to have additional adults to rely on rather than feeling like they come from a broken home. This can also make it easier on each parent by giving them a support system of others who will help take care of the child if life or work get in the way of the time and attention they can give them.
If your blended family outgrows your old house, you may also consider buying a new home. If you can afford it, a home where every child can have their own personal space would be best. There are a number of benefits to personal, non-shared bedrooms for children — for example, a private space can help young children develop independent living and autonomous coping skills, such as learning to sleep alone and keeping their space organized. They can express their personal style and keep their belongings safe from the hands of younger siblings. Having their own room also allows them to enjoy a peaceful, quiet environment when they need it, such as when they want to read or study, or while still getting used to the new family dynamic. Finally, children need privacy just as much as adults. Allow them to set their own boundaries and be respectful of the rules they establish. If you stomp all over their boundaries, you can end up losing their trust for good.
Understanding Cultural Diversity
If you are remarrying or joining a family where there are children from a past relationship, you may be opening your life to a blended family and newfound cultural diversity. Making these kinds of changes to a family is an extremely important decision that must be made with the intention that you will raise all of your children (new and old) the same way and to grow up respecting each other, especially if the families you’re blending are of different races and backgrounds. Not doing so can have severe consequences on children who feel they are being treated differently from their siblings, and if children are removed from a black household and put into a family with a white parent and kids, they run the risk of feeling different and not connecting with their roots.
Parents must take a large and intentional role in their children’s growth to keep this from affecting their self-esteem. This is especially important with middle children and boys as they are 25 to 40 percent more likely to cause trouble growing up. Raising your children to know about language diversity, inclusion, and cultural and racial differences can help mitigate this.
By raising children to understand that humans are diverse and dynamic from a young age, they will know that it’s okay to be different and that their differences make them special. Ensuring that your children are exposed to cultural diversity from early on with the people they spend time with, and the art and media they consume, will benefit their mental health, emotional growth, and self perception.
Some consequences are the result of many aspects of life in America; the casual racism that people of color experience on a daily basis, discrimination in news and media, history classes from the perspective of white Americans, and even in custody cases featuring interacial marriages. Minorities often learn that throughout history, many American citizens have believed that their economic misfortune was due to a disproportionate number of recent immigrants claiming jobs that would normally be worked by native U.S. citizens. Learning about history from this perspective can make children feel excluded from their white, non-hispanic classmates.
Creating Inclusive Communities
As a parent, you should help your children adjust to the changes of remarriage by ensuring they have access to traditions and communities they grew up with. If you are a new parent to children of a different cultural background than your own, it’s especially important to provide them the cultural diversity they were brought up with so they don’t feel you’re responsible for them missing out on that. However, navigating new cultures may require a little bit of learning on your own part, and on your own time, depending on how much you already know about raising kids and fostering connections with different cultures.
If you combine two families of different races, start by making a conscious effort to notice people of color around you and attempt to connect with them. If there’s potential for a friendship there, be direct and let them know you are hoping to create a larger community around you of people who can connect with your child’s culture.
Importantly, be aware of your own privilege and talk to your child about it as soon as they’re old enough to understand concepts like privilege. Help them understand this by taking them to cultural events and discussing your child’s uniqueness. Each of these steps can help create an inclusive transcultural community.
Although conversations about cultural differences and justice can be difficult to have with children who are still in their first few years of life, making time for these conversations will teach your child important aspects of their identity and will help them gain confidence, especially if in combining two families, there might be different signals being sent.
Taking the steps to ensure your child is surrounded by people who look like them, understands their culture, and the meaning of privilege will help them understand key elements about how life works. Blended families are special, and bringing cultural diversity into your family’s life is a blessing that must also be nurtured carefully to flourish. By seeing your newfound family as a village, you can create powerful relationships that form a strong family foundation for your child.
